Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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