it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
