someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
