I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
