wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
