That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
