i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
