you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
