Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
