Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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