I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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