i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
