You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
