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remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
