she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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