Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
