Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
