Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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