So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
