i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
