I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
