Swine flu. Run for my life!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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