Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
