and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
