Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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