i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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