is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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