Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
