You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
