He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
