This is not my ceiling
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
