feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
