The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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