If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
