Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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