Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
