There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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