Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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