walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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