I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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