He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
