omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
