What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
