She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
