ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When did angry sex become our thing?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
