How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
