There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
from now on my penis is your penis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
