I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How does one acquire holy water?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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