ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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