he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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