whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
