This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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