I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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