you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
