my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
