im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
