...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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