I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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